SAD

Starting at about this time of year many people suffer from low-grade depression caused by the lack of daylight and the cold, dreary winter months — this reaction to winter is called “seasonal affective disorder.”  Better known as SAD, it has become the disorder of choice amongst the college age population.  Households all over the northern hemisphere are hearing the same conversation: “I went to the infirmary at school and the doctor said I look anemic and I need to go to (fill in the blank with your choice of the British Virgin Islands, California, Bermuda, Mexico, Hawaii) for maximum sunlight.” “Oh, when I called the infirmary I heard something different — would you like to tell me what the doctor really said?”  “Well, the doctor did say I need more light.”  “I think the doctor actually said that if you broke the hermetic seal between your lips and the lips of that girl who giggles in the background every time I call, you could get outside once in awhile for fresh air and sunshine.”  You would think that the discussion would end there, but no — the drive to go on a winter break is too great to be squashed by mere parental reasoning.

 In addition to the future leaders of the world, SAD primarily affects middle-management.  It tends to strike immediately after performance review time when the middle manager has been informed that for the third year in a row their placement in the salary grid means that they won’t be getting a raise.  And if that were not bad enough, the following week middle managers receive the e-mail giving them a script to follow when informing their employees that the free coffee and yogurt are being eliminated, to be replaced by motivational posters in the lunchroom.  Suddenly dark shadows replace the sun that had been dappling on the snowbanks, the snowbanks turned to freezing gray slush, and the only birds that can be seen are roadkill.

My 24 year old daughter, currently unemployed, has informed me that she is going to California in February because she has SAD.  She will stay with her friend so her only expenses will be the airplane ticket, the cab ride to the airport, the cab ride to her friend’s apartment, the cab ride to dinner, the cab ride back from dinner, the $300 for “entertainment”, the cab ride back to the airport, the five dollar package of airport cheese and crackers, and the cab ride back home.  When I inquired whether she has sufficient funds for this trip she gives me the look that says “Mom, you are such a downer.”  I hate to be a downer, but I have SAD too. My doctor told me that unless I go to a tropical Club Med I would suffer from slow thyroid, weight gain, adult acne, and I would not get a raise.  Certainly I must honor my body and not allow such horrible things to afflict me!

When I told my husband about the recommended cure he went out and bought me a sun lamp.  He still doesn’t understand why instead of being appreciative I stormed out of the room and sulked for the rest of the day.  I attribute my bad behavior to SAD.  I am not responsible.  Once I am in a lounge chair by the pool with the piña colada I will be a new woman.