Have a buddhaful day! :-)

I converted to Buddhism by accident really. For several years I had been studying and exploring various aspects of the religion, so when I received an email stating that the Tibetan Buddhist Meditation Center (which I had been attending regularly) was holding a retreat I decided to go. The agenda specified that those who wished to become Buddhist should arrive at 9:00 AM for refuge with the lama. Well, I certainly was on the path to becoming a Buddhist given all the time I had spent studying and the sound of “refuge” with the lama sounded nice (I was sure tea would be served) so, as requested, I arrived at 9:00 AM.

There were about twelve people in the small meditation room in front of the magnificent gilded statue of Jowo Rinpoche. The lama sat in front of us and lead the usual meditation and chanting. He was assisted by a female translator and an assistant lama. The translator spoke: “All those wishing to become Buddhists please rise.” I stood up along with about eight others. It was then that the first rays of light dawned on my slow brain. “Ah, I think he means right now — convert to Buddhism now!” I worried — was I ready? I decided I was ready as I ever would be.

The Refuge Ceremony consists of prostrating oneself before the Buddha three times. I am handicapped so this was no easy task for me. I akwardly managed one prostration, kneeling and stretching forward so that my forhead touched the floor. I struggled to stand up and began my second prostration. The assistant lama stopped me — I thought I had failed! But he spoke to the lama in Tibetan than looked to the translator. She said to me “You are excused from physical prostration — you may visualize the rest.” With great relief I closed my eyes and pictured a balletic and perfect prostration.

After the prostrations each person had to repeat three times the words “I seek refuge in the Buddha, I seek refuge in the dharma,  I seek refuge in the sangha” (Buddha, teachings, community). And then, for each person, the lama thought carefully and bestowed a Buddhist name. Mine was Konchok Jowo Dolma (Precious Noble Tara) — I was thrilled because Tara is my favorite of the deities. I was quite pumped up, my joy only slightly moderated by my knowledge that while in Tibetan Dolma meant Tara, in Greek it means stuffed grape leaf… I thanked the lama for my name, was given a certificate  with my name inscribed and a couple of cards elaborately decorated with pictures of the deities.

We ended the ceremony with tea (ah yes I knew there would be tea) and candies and cookies (I have never been to a Tibetan gathering that did not have sweets). The new Buddhists gathered together to talk about their new names (it was very anti-Buddhist of me to be thankful I was not given the name “Karma Dharma”  or “noble fruit tree”). For awhile I stood apart from the gathering looking into the shrine room at the statue of the Buddha. When I started my quest I would never have dreamed that I would end up here — in a branch and lineage of Buddhism that goes back unbroken to the eleventh century. The words “for the benefit of all sentient beings” kept going through my mind. It felt right.

Turn back corner hold here

It is not the fact that the worldwide economy is in the dumpster, nor the fact that the presidential debates left us with all the pundits saying that McCain won but all the people on the street overwhelmingly thinking that Obama won — what really gets me is the fact that I, a college graduate, with almost 60 years experience, cannot successfully follow the instructions for unwrapping a Hershey bar.  Yes, I said instructions.  You probably just grab a Hershey’s with almonds bar and tear it open, totally oblivious to the efforts that the Hershey Company went to to inform us of the ideal bar disrobing technique. 

Don’t be tempted to get a Hershey bar out of last year’s Halloween leftovers — I think that the move toward including instructions is new.  It is probably fallout from the lawsuit brought against a leading fast food restaurant that now makes all fast food restaurants label their Styrofoam cups with the warning “This coffee is hot moron.” A similar regard for the American population’s intelligence  led to the decision to mark one end of the chocolate bar packaging with the words “turn back this corner”.  After you have spent half an hour trying to pry the little flap away from the rest of the packaging you are rewarded with more instructions — “hold here”.  So you gingerly clasp the candy bar wrapper between your thumb and pointer finger over the words “hold here” and wonder what to do next.  Regrettably there are no further instructions so you stand with a candy bar dangling from your pinched digits and curse the entire population of York County Pennsylvania.

Some of us are way intelligent and intuitively know that dangling a candy bar won’t get you any satisfaction.  We attack the plastic coated paper wrapper with a vengeance — it does not budge.  We use the old cracking the candy bar against the side of the table technique.  We hear the candy bar break but the packaging remains intact.  Unwilling to put the candy bar in the refrigerator next to the take-out container that you couldn’t open last night, you grab scissors and make a clean cut right through the words “hold here”.  You upend the candy bar in an attempt to shake the bar out of the packaging.  After a minute you pick up the scissors again and as you are swearing “you stupid, effing, candy bar”, you slash and cut the wrapper into a dozen pieces which fall to the floor like the last of the 300.

You should have noticed, before deciding to be Xerxes about it, that the wrapper contained an image of two almonds. You hate almonds and the Hershey Company does not skimp on almonds. The secret hiding place at the back of the pantry is bare — so it is either eat around at the almonds or eat the coating off the Jordan Almonds in the guest room’s candy dish. Make a note to yourself to discuss candy selection with your significant other — after 40 years it should be clear that you do not like almonds.  Never mind that you have never noticed that every time you order Chinese food you get Hunan beef which your significant other never eats.  We are above tit for tat after all.  So, get in the car and drive to the supermarket and get plain chocolate and then drive to the Chinese food restaurant and get orange flavored chicken and crab Rangoon.