Adult Attention Deficit Disorder

It runs in my family. I had no idea that I might have ADD until my daughter was diagnosed and I recognized the symptoms in me. So, it is not because I am a Gemini that I careen from one thing to the next losing my way halfway though. It is hard for me to read a book, sit through a movie, play chess, or attend a long meeting. I fidget and wander. I have a million projects started and none finished. I have piles of correspondence on my desk, things I know I should attend to (like the taxes) but just can’t seem to get there. I took the self-test for diagnosing ADD that is on the Web. If you scored 11 or more they suggest you consult a doctor. I scored 22.

Without having a name to describe my condition I nevertheless long ago recognized that I was in trouble and I have had to develop elaborate strategies to cope and to be successful at my job. The main one is The Notebook. I write down everything I need to do in a list and check it off when I am done. I review my lists every day to remind myself. I carry over undone tasks from week to week. Some of them have been there since 2004. When I take notes during a meeting and I get an “action item” I make note of it in the notebook and mark it with an asterisk. If it is really important it gets two asterisks and sometimes even an exclamation mark.

I guess it is not true that I never get things done. There is a flip side to my ADD and that is obsessive behavior. Every once in awhile I will become obsessed with an activity and will become so absorbed that the world around me literally disappears. I see nothing and hear nothing except for what I am focused on. If you look in my basement you will find bins of dozens of handbags that I have made after innocently embarking on a project with my daughter to make a simple tote bag. My bag making got so bad that the family decided I had to channel this and they set me up in a business selling my bags on the Internet. It was either that or add an extension on the home.

I am going to be tested for ADD within the next few weeks. I am told that the meds  for ADD are quite effective but I am not sure I will enjoy the sensation of having crisp focus. I might suddenly “come to” and be horrified with the chaos I have created around me. I will feel compelled to watch the rest of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and to finish The Historian. I am afraid that focus will rob me of my adventures — I have gone to so many nice places while others were listening to the lecture.